I wanted to sit down on a chair, then it collapsed.

Who goes to work on a Sunday if they don't have to? Me in the heat of the moment and stood in front of the closed door until I realized it was the wrong day

I told my best buddy that I'm tired and I'm going to sleep so I could play for 3 hours in peace.

Instead of a photo of my girlfriend, I have a photo of my BMW in my wallet.

My brother always pees in the sink, and it stinks, so I use his toothbrush to clean the sink!

I hate round breadloafs. I only buy toast or square wholemeal bread

I like sticking chopsticks up my nose and playing walrus.

I danced in my apartment last night. Hadn't drawn the curtains, the neighbor saw everything

When my girlfriend cooks, everything tastes like shit, so I almost always feed it to the dog

I invited people to dinner and forgot. Then people stood in front of my door and I had nothing to serve

People are funny, I don't have a picture and ppl want to call me sexxy lmfao. Wtf... 😭 I'm not even blonde! 😂

My friends think my pet is more important than them. And they're damn right

While my husband thinks I'm going to the gym, I gorge myself at Burgerking

I hate that my boyfriend is gambling, I secretly deleted his account and he thought he was hacked

I mistook 1st gear for reverse when I started and hit a tree

I have a crush on my girlfriend's dad and I think he's into me too. When the time comes, I'll tell him and we'll both get the hell out of here

Basically, i am an Aries.. so if u believe in zodiacs You know what kind of a female i am.... And yess i am a 90%of what pinterest tells about.. Meet a lady devil..yess that's me🤘🤘

In the admist of my feelings and desires Let my passionate self take over... And clear all the forces that bring me beneath the layers of despair And let me breath.... Up high, proud and fearless Under this moon lit sky... Where the shadows are calling me... Where i always was ment to be .. Where it's him Standing.... Waiting... Casting a heavenly silhouette of a Greek god.... ~tj

I've been with my girlfriend for three years and she still doesn't know my real name.

My secret is that i don’t even know where am i

The color red that once belonged to the devil, now the messenger of love around the World.....