I just wish I had a girl I could have sex with

I wash my plastic bags with soap after every purchase

Every week, often two or three times a week, I'm being fucked by a postman. Or at the very least I'm sucking him off... Shh...dont tell my boyfriend

I had sex with my boyfriend....at my grandmother’s funeral...we had to be quiet because everyone was crying in the living room...sorry grandma

I regularly licked the edge of the toilet, which my ex spattered with urine while peeing standing up

Since my ex-boyfriend is only interested in football, I canceled his Sport-Channel subscription without telling him

My boss is an asshole, when he asks me to get his morning coffee, I pull my pubes and put it in his coffee before i put on the cover.

Never tell me where you put the condoms, because I go there and condoms will mysterious break. I have succesfully created a few marriages

My roommate is so loud plaing with her sex toy every night. One day we went into her room and dipped her toy in chilli water, She got even louder that night but quieted down ever since

I once had a fling with my mums friend. They were friends for some years, like maybe when I was about 20 or so. I often caught myself looking at her heaving breasts when she sat down, not sure if she ever caught me looking! We were good friends and had loads in common. We went on holiday for my 21st to Greece. Bearing in mind I’m nearly 40 now it’s still fresh in my memory. I had a few friends that had a bust up in my 21st and I was feeling a bit fed up. My mums friend who is 17 years older than me, took me off and we had a good chat. She said it was probably best I got some sleep and forgot about my 21st. Awkward but thought she was right. I went back to my apartment and got ready to go to sleep. My phone then rang, asking if I’d come back to see her. Not sure what this was about, my heart racing I wandered back. She was standing there in a silk dressing gown. Not knowing what to do, I sat down on the edge of the bed. She sat next to me. Gave me a hug, then our cheeks met side by side. Looking at her lips I began to move my lips towards hers. She didn’t pull away, so I kept going. Our lips touched and began to kiss. She began to quiver and I felt like my heart was about to pop out of my chest. She undone her dressing gown and I saw for myself these perfectly formed breasts I’ve always wanted to touch. I begin by kissing her lips, then move down to her neck before kissing her chest. I undo her bra and cup her breasts. I feel myself getting hard. She sees this and begins to touch me, and whispers in my ear that she wants me. I lay her on the bed and tease her pussy with my cock. Her lips part under the pressure of my cock entering her. She’s soaking wet and begins to moan, I’m actually doing this! I keep kissing her body all over while we fuck, making sure she enjoys it. Her erect nipples begging to be licked and sucked. It doesn’t take long before I feel the need to cum and I know it’ll be hard. I’m now coated in her pussy juices and she’s begging for my load in her mouth. I finish on her tongue and I still get hard thinking of her today. Older women are the best lovers.